Sada Kuroshi-HEARTLESS

[sada]

[atrb=cellSpacing,20,true][atrb=cellpadding,15,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 500px; background-color:#000000; border: 2px dashed #30307E, bTable] Sada Kuroshi [style=border: 5px #30307E; width: 300; background-color: #000000] " It's boring if everything is sweet, right? Would you like to clean your mouth with something bitter? "

[atrb=style, font-family: bookmanantique; word-spacing: 1px; text-align: justify; background: #000000; border: 1px dashed #30307E; color: #8C8CB8] Name: Sada Kuroshi. Nickname: Sa-chan/kun, Kuro-chan/kun. Kuku-chan/kun Sex: Female Birthdate: October 31 Age:: 33 years Nationality: technically she’s japanese, but she was born in America True Name: Heartless True Name Location: Straight down her back in bold writing Type: Fighter Affiliaton:, Transcendere Fatum, Height: 5 foot eleven inches Weight: 180 Hair: Ponytail, Purple, Long. Eyes: Almond,Yellow, medium Outfit : When Sada’s in control, purple turtle necks and long skirts are a must. She loves loose fitting dresses and things that cover her neck. She even owns a few bell collars as she feels naked without something around her neck. When Kurayami’s in control, shorts and a tank top are the way to go for this half of the Kuroshi. She insists that longer clothing the more it gets in the way and makes it harder to run. She always makes sure Sada had tennis shoes on, no matter if they match with the outfit or not. Ears: of course~ Sexual Orientation: herterosexual

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[atrb=style, font-family: bookmanantique; word-spacing: 1px; text-align: justify; background: #000000; border: 1px dashed #30307E; color: #8C8CB8] Personality: Sada Loyal;; she’s extrememly loyal to all those she claims as her friends and family. Kind;; she’s a little sugar isn’t she? She’ll go out of her way to make a stranger feel comfortable; even if that means that she’ll become uncomfortable. Playful;; Like kittens and puppies, Sada is extremely playful, she almost plays too much. Resourceful;; Sada will always find a way to make do with what she has, even if it take a while. Neg Timid;; when she first meets someone, her voice is softer than it normally is and she’s a bit shier than usual. Too trusting;; This little neko believes almost everything someone tells her. Oblivious;; Something, or all the time according to Kutrayami, she misses the biggest of hints and landmarkings which is why they get lost sometimes. submissive;; She’s a little too obedient towards her supierors and teachers. She’ll do almost anything they ask of her. Kuryami Protective;; once her loyalty has been earned, she’ll protect who ever has it until the end. Clever;; She can be very clever at times such as getting her opponent worked up and tire before she strikes Serious;; no matter what she does, she goes at it with 100% seriousness. Neat;; despite how she acts, Kurayami actually can’t stand to see things out of order. Neg Defensive;; Once it is known that she is Sada’s other personality, she tends to get mad and think that they are going to try and get rid of her again. Disobedient;; Kurayami tends to be very disobedient when it comes to terms of obeying those whom she had just met. Malicious;; for those who don’t really know her too well, she can come off this way, but it’s just her way of acting, nothing more, nothing less. Aggressive;; If she sees something and she wants it, she’ll go through any means necessary to get it. And she means ANY means. You’ll never catch Sada with a frown on her face, unless it’s something important and serious. She’ll only open up to you if she trusts you. She very timid when she first meets you. She’s very sneaky so you’ll almost never know what she’s going to do next. She’s loyal to all her friends and her family. Sometimes she's a little too loyal. She is very blunt. She won’t take anyone bad mouthing anyone she cares about, so you’ll always have to watch her. She’ll never strike unless provoked too much. When she is provoked too much, it never has a good ending as Kurayami will take over. If you cross her, you’ll live to regret it. Even if you try to get out of her range, she’ll get you. It wouldn’t matter how far away you are, she’ll find a way. It may be a mind game, or she’ll just destroy your reputation and make you go insane. And you wouldn’t know the difference due to her happy smile that’s always on her face. Other than striking when provoked, Sada is very friendly and playful. She’ll even try to get the meanest person around to smile. She’ll help whenever she can and will love doing it with a smile on her face(Depending on what it is). If you were to just sum up her personality, you’d say she has a dog’s instinct and mind set, just with a human body and heart. Just like a dog, she will obey her master. If she does not have a master, she will make sure that her partner will have upmost respect and loyalty. Thought, it cannot be said for Kurayami. History: Sada was the type of child to always be alone at home. When in America, her mother worked as a nurse and was gone almost all day. As much as her mother worked, she couldn’t afford to keep Sada with her, so she was sent to Japan to go live with her Father. Her father worked all day also as a CEO of a big company, even when he had the days off, he would ignore her and keep to himself. However due to that, you could say that she has a split personality cause of it. Her grades at school are good, she has a 3.7 GPA. And most of it comes from pulling all nighters when she couldn’t sleep. Even with all this happening, Sada will smile and act like nothing is wrong. Though her split is a different story. Sada’s split has only come out twice, and one was in America when she was in her last year of middle School. Her split personnel’s name is Kurayami. The whole situation started with a bit of teasing that Sada was used to, but it got out of hand at recess when one of the kids had told her to drop dead, because no one wanted a mixed child like her. Sada had gotten really stressed and blacked out, thus unleashing Kurayami. Kurayami was really volient and virtually broke about three bones in the boy’s body, sending him to the hospital. After that situation, Sada’s mother sent her to Japan, thinking it was because she didn’t see her father and she couldn’t afford to keep Sada with her. With her father Sada was already timid to meet him and him ignoring her didn’t seem to help either. She tried everything to get his attention, from cleaning the spacious house to making him dinner at one point when he was off. She even came home with A’s on all her report cards in one year. However, she was ignored. Once he had come in from work and started yelling at Sada for no reason when she was cleaning. He started to yell and shout his lungs out at her. Even when she started crying he kept going. She cried so much that her throat was raw and she couldn’t produce anymore tears. However, all he did was slap her to shut her up. It shut her up, but it made Kurayami talk. When Kurayami was done with him, his right hand became of no use to him anymore. It was a surprise to her when her name appeared as kurayami was a lot calmer than she normally was for the first few days when it was forming. Though, when they went to her new middle school, Kurayami would insist that Sada say out of P.E by saying that she had hurt something on their body and didn’t want her to get hurt anymore than it already was. Kurayami just happened to be asleep while she went to P.E one day and one of her classmates asked her if she had a new tattoo. Confused, the purple haired girl looked in the full length mirror and using her compact lends, her eyes widened. In big bold letters was the word HEARTLESS. She shook and shivered, recalling the people who had come to her, asking her name. When she gave it, they asked for a “true” name. Telling them again and watching them shake their heads again, they handed her a card and told to go to that place once her name had appeared. An “A” on his hand caught her eye, but she paid it no mind before heading to work. Was that what he had meant when he said her “true” name? if that was the case, why didn’t her mother have a “true” name? Or any of her friends for that matter? In her way home, she called her father, letting him know that she would be slightly late, before closing it and looking at the card she received. She walked to the address and could hear kurayami chuckle at the name of the school. Septimal Moon. She walked in, her ears pressed flat against her head, listening to the other students laugh at her. Once inside, she was quickly pulled to the dean’s office. There he explained that she was a fighter. This caused the child to blink in confusion, before she placed the question in the back of her mind. Once there, she began her lessons as a fighter, which she had come to realize was the protector of the Sacrifice. She got through the lessons just fine, but Kurayami didn’t really take to them. She already hated being told what to do, much less take orders blindly from someone she didn’t even know, even if Fate it self had decided. Once her basic training was complete, she was paired with a different name as the other team was. Her temporary Sacrifice was yelling orders, throwing her off, ending in their defeat. As soon as the Sacrifice realized this, she called Sada useless and slapped her. Kurayami sneered at the girl before starting to unleash a fire spell, but was stopped by the teacher, telling her that the Sacrifice had every right to punish her if she did not win or if she did not obey. She was the Fighter, the Servant and therefore was the Sacrifice’s tool. To abuse and used as she saw fit. This enraged kurayami and she stomped out saying that she didn’t care what Fate or anyone else said, she would not accept their true partner and she would not submit. She would not have Sada treated like a dog! Her ears perked up at a slightly familiar voice speaking. It was a sacrifice…Lament was his name if she wasn’t mistaken. He was saying that if she wanted to defy her fate, to come with him. Kurayami’s ears perked up and she followed the small group of students gladly. She followed them silently and as quickly as her body would allow. Once they were outside the Building a ringing went through her head. She shook at the intensity of the ringing. Maybe it was because Sada was yelling at her or perhaps it was too strong. That was the reason, right? She could hear muffled sounds, but couldn’t make anything out before she was staring Sada in the face. She knew what that meant; she had passed out with Sada in the back seat. They stayed like that for awhile, enjoying the silence before Sada pushed kurayami back and assumed her position as the main persona. She had come to find out that she was in the building Kurayami had run them to before passing out.. When she tried to get up, she felt a sudden pressure on her head and her head began ringing again. She got up, her ears twitching in pain and annoyance, and began to explore the school. Once she and Kurayami gave it a good once over, and making sure no one was dangerous, did they step outside and look at the building. It was a school calledTRANSCENDERE FATUM. No sooner had the ringing stop, did she ask if it was a school for Units. When the man answered Yes, Kurayami took over again and started ranting on how Sada would not be controlled and abused by a sacrifice, that she’d rather let Sada lose power as a fighter and have her become a weak sacrifice than a strong fighter. Once she was calm, after about an hour of yelling, the man told her that due to that Temper, their “Head Dean” had written to him to ask her to become the fire chair. Before she could retort, she heard him say that at TRANSCENDERE FATUM, everyone was on equal terms and that it didn’t matter whether she was a sacrifice for a fighter. The Fire chair position was open, if she wanted it. RP Sample: see Akumu

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[atrb=style, font-family: bookmanantique; word-spacing: 1px; text-align: justify; background: #000000; border: 1px dashed #30307E; color: #8C8CB8] Your Name: I’s a Kukumon Timezone

[/u]: Eastern


[/li][li]Faceclaim: [b]BLEACH[/b] - [i]Yoruichi [/i] – Sada Kuroshi
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[Triquest for Three Things:]

??? here, filling in for Nero.

A few problems with this app, and all of them need fixing before I'd feel comfortable approving it.

[/li][li] Kurayami's destructiveness.
I'm going to say this right off the bat. Dissociative Identity Disorder does NOT grant one superpowers here. I'm specifically referring to the playground equipment, and, to a lesser extent, the mind tricks. I realise you're trying to create a sort of kind girl/strong protector dynamic between your character's personalities (something that already has me a tad leery), but an elementary school child simply does not have the physical strength necessary to destroy playground equipment like that. Said equipment is DESIGNED to withstand just about any beating a child can throw at it. There may be a loose bit here or a bad strut there, but a child is not going to destroy a playground like that just because she got angry and another personality emerged. There's also the mind games. Granted, I've played my share of sociopathic mindbenders in the past (the youngest of which was in her late teens and studied the human mind as a way of furthering her hobby), but there is no way a child is going to have the understanding of psychology and the in-depth knowledge of an absentee father-figure/skill at cold reading to break someone in the manner you described, not without training and a very high level of intellect and a very observant nature. I'm sorry, but you'll need to change that. On the subject of multiple personalities, there's also the matter of Sada and Kurayami's awareness of events taking place while the other is in control. From the research I've done into the disorder, there's no way this should happen. The dissociation for which the disorder is named is a defense mechanism that basically assigns memories to another personality because they are too difficult to accept as a part of one's own self (look it up, please. I probably haven't done a good job explaining that). Each persona only has memories of what happens while she's in charge, and is unaware of what happens while the other is in control, as is necessary for the defense to work. Otherwise, A) there'd be no point in forming other personas, and B) any good done by it would be negated, and the mind would fall apart, as it was trying to prevent itself from doing in the first place.

[/li][li] Simply walking out of Septimal Moon.
One does not simply walk out of Septimal Moon. Especially when one is still a kid. In a class. With a teacher present. Think about how the school you went to was run (assuming you went to one and weren't home-schooled. If you were, think prison lite.). Did the teachers simply let students walk about as they pleased? Were students allowed/able to simply leave the class an time they felt like it? Considering SM has guards and security, and the rather secret nature of the whole Fighter-Sacrifice thing, I'd imagine a child wouldn't get very far, and they definitely wouldn't allow a loose cannon like Kurayami run around. The guards and instructors would also be much more skilled at magic than she would, and have much more experience. Rampaging out the front door isn't going to work, not with the secrecy thing being important.

[/li][li] 18-year-old Fire Chair
No. For starters, the only way someone that young gets to be a Chair is by first being a Guardian, then killing their Chair, and I see no mention of that in the history. For another thing, a kid who was just pulled into TF is NOT going to immediately be asked to be the Fire Chair. There's a bit of trust earning that would need to happen first, and the original Chairs would be/have been people the Void chair knows are behind him, most likely people he's known for a long time. There's also the whole thing about her being a loose cannon who, based on her history, doesn't follow orders well and is prone to outbursts of uncontrolled violence, two qualities that would definitely not be rewarded in either organisation, which would further eliminate her as a choice for the ones originally chosen for the positions.

[/li][li]No age references.
This is a bit of an issue, as not having references for how old she is at what point is a bit confusing. It gives the impression that this is all happening while she's still in elementary school, which makes it make even less sense. Giving these sorts of details helps tell people reading this when things are happening, and how much time has passed between events, which lets the reader know what they should expect. A 10-year-old throwing a fit and storming out of a class is an entirely different matter from an 18-year-old storming out of class.

A few minor things (mostly peeves/questions. Little stuff that I'd like answered, but isn't terribly critical.):
First things first. I see no mention of her being a Mendax in her history, which is fine, but, with the requirements in place, you would not be able to apply for Fire Chair as a Mendax, as Risa had set 22 as the age limit for Mendax.

There's also the whole wall of text thing, but, given that it's something I often do myself, I'm not going to be too critical about that.

That's about all I can see at the moment.

[Triquest for Three Things:]

??? here!

Okay. So, first, the good: You have fixed several of the issues I asked you to. That's a good thing.

Now on to the bad.

[/li][li] Kurayami:

Okay, you've made Kurayami more reasonable, which is a good start. It's a little more in line with what would be reasonable. Unfortunately, one thing you do not seem to have adequately addressed is the issue of the two seeming to remember/be able to observe what happens when the other is in control. You've made progress, but there are still areas in the history where Kurayami basically picks up where Sada left off, which wouldn't really be possible.

[/li][li] Fire Chair
I'm not really going to say much on this, as I've been told that Risa has already had this discussion with you, but it will not be possible for Sada to be the Fire Chair. I'm sorry.

[/li][li] No age references:
You still haven't really put in any references to tell the reader how old she is at each point in the history. Generally, each time you change events/settings in your character's history, you should put something in to tell the reader how old the character is. It serves the dual purpose of painting a better picture, and making it easier to determine how realistically said character's actions and situation are being portrayed.

That's about it for now.