Sticks and Stones have Broken my Bones (Namok)

[Shizuka Mori]

Pain. Soul-crushing, heart-wrenching agony, the kind where your vision would turn to black and your skin would transform to white. The kind of pain where you felt as if the sun would never rise in the morning, the kind where your heart felt as if it were shattering into millions upon millions, billions upon billions of pieces every time it would beat.

/Running as fast as she could carry herself, a bright smile on her face, Shizuka burst through the crowded streets, determination in her eyes. In her hand, in the fist, a box was firmly held. Elation streamed through her veins as she turned the corner, narrowly missing a moving man with a box. She turned around while running, waving in goodbye, a heart-felt sorry leaving her mouth as the man waved back at her with forgiveness, muttering how fast teenagers needed to get places these days… or something like that. Giggling, Shizu could not wait to show her mother the little box. The red-head had saved up for months on this birthday gift, and she knew. She just knew that it would make her mom proud to call Shizuka Mori her daughter./

It was absolutely agonizing. Sitting there on the swing of an abandoned park, the Fighter’s eyes were filled with untold amounts of sorrow. Her head was hanging, chin to her chest, as if her neck was broken. She loosely held onto the chains which held her up. Shizuka was soaked. Through her crumbling mind, she wondered if the sky was crying. Just like she was.

/Dashing through her neighborhood, the look of utter joy shining upon her smile and glowing in her eyes, she waved hello to her neighbors ecstatically, and who returned the favor. It shocked them to see the girl so happy to be returning home, for it hardly ever happened. Usually, she looked sad, reluctant or angry, though it made them equally happy to see her in such good spirits. Perhaps the mother’s relationship with her daughter would finally heal, and that thought alone gave the good people jitters of excitement. Good for them!/

The air around the girl was suffocating. It felt as if her throat wanted to crawl its way inside out as her stomach was doing pinwheels inside of her. Her insides were knotting up so hard that it felt as if they would be permanently tangled. Leaning over to the side, she dry-retched, which was not at all surprising. Shizuka had already gotten rid of everything in her stomach earlier.

/Shizu practically broke the door down with the amount of enthusiasm she had as she threw it open, calling out to her mother in an excited tone, a look of elation and pure, innocent happiness on her face. Doing a quick glance around, she froze. The house was torn apart. The table to her living room was upside down, picture frames shattered on the ground. Books scattered everywhere, along with various other items. Smile still frozen on her face, she walked forward robotically, not even realizing that she was doing it. She went through the usual motions of first coming home, taking her shoes off at the entrance step, throwing her jacket in the corner, and setting her house-keys on the little table. Door still wide open, she padded in the house slowly, smile sluggishly erasing from her face. Barefoot, her toes pressed down on something wet, making a sickening squishing sound. Little by little, she lowered her gaze to look at what she stepped on. All she could see was red./

Tears were running down her face in steady streams, shoulders shaking with the effort to keep silent. Her eyes hurt from crying so much. Her head hurt from the shock and the breaking. Her throat hurt from throwing up. Her insides hurt from twisting so much. Her legs hurt from walking so far by herself, away from her house to this park. And her feet hurt, because they were still bare. Red poked from them, a mixture of her own blood and her mother’s.

/Screeching at the top of her lungs, falling to her knees, Shizuka instantly broke. Her hands clung to her face, and her fingers would have fully covered her eyes if they weren’t parted in the middle, too horrified to actually look away. Everything inside of her was shattering as she saw her mother. The woman was laying down, like she was sleeping. Though it was obvious she wasn’t. Her eyes were open and glassy, staring into nothing. Her moth was open in an endless scream, like the pain trapped inside her throat was trying to find its way out. In the middle of her head was a small hole. The ocean of red surrounding the pair was all around them, but Shizuka paid no attention any longer. She was to crushed, her mind crumbling into nothing. Slowly, she stood up. And she walked./

The rain was subsiding, though underneath her the drops of water still flew down, crashing into the mud. However, they were not fresh like raindrops from the sky. They were salty, and came from Shizuka.

[Namok Clave]

It was odd...the way rain seemed to fall, as if knowing something was going on. It had been raining the night his own mother had attempted to murder him for that last time. Actually, it had been a mixture of snow and rainy slush that cold winter day when the cold steel of a knife had broken through his flesh several times and his ears had been forcibly remove from his head. Many people believed that women were incapable of rape...but that would be a lie. His mother had done the unthinkable to her only child. It wasn't something he was proud of, considering and very few people even knew of that aspect of his childhood. He sighed slightly as he stepped into the rainy drizzle, glancing upwards and letting the cool drops fall onto his face. He liked the rain...the rain was calming in a way. It seemed to wash away the feelings of pain from the previous days and years. He didn't want to think about his mother on this sort of day. He wondered partly who was sad and lost to make the rain fall like it was. It had been pouring earlier and now it was a grisly drizzle. He walked along the sidewalk, avoiding large puddles, but splashing through the small ones without a care in the world. He figured being out in the rain without a jacket or a umbrella would probably result in a cold later on...but that didn't really matter to him. He enjoyed the rain. If he caught a cold...that was his own fault. Blond hair plastered to his face, he stopped just outside the park...stopped by something. He didn't know what. He was just stopped. It was a curious feeling. A feeling that Shizuka needed him now more than ever. They didn't have a unit bond like a normal unit. Their names were different...but they were bound in a different sort of way. A matter of circumstances. Both from homes of abuse and anger. The only difference was who had abused them. Namok was almost jealous of Shizuka in a way, she had still had her mother when she had been released from the hospital. Namok had an adopted family where he felt he didn't belong. It wasn't his family. It was just pity upon the poor crazy boy who had been abused by his mother, or so he thought at least. Namok had only spent a couple years living in their house because he'd been rather miserable there the entire time. His feelings for Sayuri, his adoptive sister and the feelings of unable to belong there. It had all drove him away and even close to Shizuka. As he stepped lightly into the park, the feelings were getting stronger. He felt sick, almost from the feelings of hurt and pain that he was suddenly stepped into as he found the source of his uneasy feeling. Shizuka. Without a word, he approached her. He stood next to her for a brief moment, giving her the chance to acknowledge his presence. While he allowed a moment to do that, he inspected her carefully for any signs of injury and noticed that she was barefoot. Where were her shoes? She was going to catch a cold that way... After another brief moment, he was pulling her into his arms lightly. "Shizuka?" he didn't say anything more than her name. He would let her speak to him when she wanted and what she wanted. For now, he would just be that same rock they had always been to each other. Tags: Shizuka Word Count: 579 Notes: ALL THESE FEELS broke a million hearts just for fun

MADE BY HABBUE OF GS

[Shizuka Mori]

It was strange, honestly. Sitting there limply on the swing, Shizuka couldn't really feel anything anymore. Her sanity, her soul, had broken, just a tiny fragment of it still in place. And it was weird, because she found herself forgetting the simplest things. They were always on the tip of her mind, just out of reach. Like when someone was a little kid, and parents put things on the top shelf to keep it out of their reach. They would step on a stool and strain as hard as their little arms could, their fingertips touching the forbidden item, but they couldn't reach it. It hurt, actually. It hurt very much. Somewhere inside of her, Shizu wanted to feel better. So she began asking herself things, murmuring the answers out loud.

‘What’s your name?’

“.. Shizuka...”

Her voice sounded so broken.. It was a sad sound.

‘How old are you?’

“…”

‘Oh come on, you can tell me how old you are!’

“I don’t remember…”

The words were soft, like the sound a flower makes when it falls to the ground.

‘Hmm. Oh, alright. Can you tell me why you are crying?’

“I'm crying?”

‘Yes… You are...’

Slowly she came to feel the water rushing down her cheeks. It was cold, and they were salty. They tasted bad.

“So I am..”

‘Why are you so sad?’

A sudden flash of color blinded Shizuka, making her cringe. She squeaked in absolute terror, eyes widened with horror.

“Red! So much red!”

A chocked sob came from her as more tears raced down her face. Questions shot at her from left and right, one after another. She couldn't take it anymore! She begged it to stop, just stop. Pleading as if her life depended on it. “Stop!!”

“Shizuka?”

The voice was so gentle, so full of caring, that it shocked the tears away for a moment, even though it sounded muffled to her ringing ears. Suddenly, she could feel arms wrapping around her lightly, like feathers. She couldn't see the face, it was over her shoulder. But the short blond hair… it.. It was… so familiar… “M..Mom?” Her face showed pure confusion as tears sprung back to life. She clutched the person tightly, hanging on for dear life. “Mamma, I'm sorry Mamma!” Shizuka wailed in between sobs, breath hitching uncontrollably. She gripped the shirt so tightly that her knuckles turned white, fingers digging into each other so hard that they started to bleed. The little part of her mind that was not broken, that still had common sense, was trying to tell the hysterical girl that this was not her mother. Her mother was dead. But the rest of her did not care; all that mattered is that someone was still there. There was someone with blond hair just like her mother in front of her and she would accept that to be her mother no matter what.

However, after a minute or two of unrestrained bawling, the sane side of her started to notice some things. The shoulders were too broad, the hair to short. Skin was pale, but not the same shade as her mother’s. Slowly, ever so slowly, Shizuka pulled away, a bewildered look dominating her features. Scared and confused, tears still cascading down, she looked at the face. Instantly, her heart broke from the grief and disappointment. It wasn't her mom. It was a man, who looked extremely familiar. In fact… just his presence alone seemed to make the pieces of her mind come back together. After a moment, a soft, frightened word escaped her lips. “.. Namok?”

[Namok Clave]

Mama? But he wasn't...he was going to open his mouth to point out that he wasn't her mother, but she was suddenly sobbing into his shirt apologizing to him. He didn't know what to say, to be perfectly honest. He didn't really want to say anything at the moment, either. He'd just let her bawl her eyes out until she felt slightly better. He didn't really know why she was crying...but...until she was ready to speak to him, he would let her. The sobbing continued for several moments and he lightly stroking the tip of her head, whispering softly that it was okay to her. He was trying to loosen the grip on his shirt so he could lessen the damage she was doing to the palms of her hands by digging her nails into her palm. She was bleeding, but the light rain was washing it away. That was a pretty good thing because the scent of blood made Namok rather squeamish. He'd seen enough blood, his own, and enough needles that they weren't his favorite things in the world. Eventually, the bawling relented slightly. It was enough for her to finally come back to her senses somewhat and finally figure out who he was. He smiled softly, petting his hair lightly. "Mhn. It's me," lightly pecking her on the forehead he glance down at her face, using his finger to lightly wipe the tears away. "I'm here. It'll be okay," he whispered quietly. Everything would be okay, right? He didn't know whether or not it was true...but he would make sure it was for her. It had to be. He was okay when she was. "You don't have to tell me what happened, but I'll still be here as long as you need me to be," he whispered lightly. Tags: Shizuka Word Count: 301 Notes: Shitty post, but the feels D| broke a million hearts just for fun

MADE BY HABBUE OF GS

[Shizuka Mori]

For one moment, Shizuka's muddled mind had perfect clarity. She could feel each miniature drop of rain splash against her skin, the soaked roughness of her clothes against her body, the ground scratching her feat. Her eyes drooped, eyelids half-covering the numb ruby orbs as Namok gently kissed her forehead, gingerly wiping away the tears on her cheeks, only to be replaced by new ones almost instantly.

And then that moment of crystal clearness was completely overtaken by a strange sense of desperation. She started to struggle against him, becoming desperate. Her heart was clawing against her lungs, her ribs, fighting its way out. She couldn't breathe, instead taking in small gasps and pants. Eventually, she was able to squirm herself out of Namok's warm embrace (however, to her, it felt like a cage, trapping her).

She was wrong. This whole time, Shizuka was wrong. Her mother wasn't dead! She couldn't be! No! NO! The world was darkening around her, vision going black, becoming one solid color as she swayed on her feet, hyperventilating. In a single moment, she went from still to running, the desperation forcing her blood to turn to acid, scortching her from the inside out. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt it hurt ithurtithurt! But she kept on running. Back to her home, where her mother was lying on the ground and waiting to be helped. She needed Shizuka's help! Her mother was bleeding and needed help! She should't have been staring like that, Shizu shouldn't have run. How could she have run? How could she have done such a horrible thing to her mom, who needed HELP?!?

Tearing down the sidewalk pavement, unaware of anyone following her, Shizuka jolted forward, stumbling on her own two feet. Her toes curled, scraping the ground as she fell, her bare knees and shins colliding with the concrete. Still, she scrambled up, bloody and numb, and continued on. The closer she got to her home, the less her heart hurt. Its ok now, Shizu told herself, Mommy will be ok now, and she will wake up and there will be no hole in her head and EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE! So no matter how many times she fell, no matter how many times her flesh was torn by the harsh ground beneath her, the broken Fighter would get up and race on, as if her life depended on it. No one was going to stop her.

Her house was not far away, just two or three blocks. Shizuka slowed to a lurching walk as she arrived at her home, slowly shambling and tripping her way up the porch and through the still-open door. Pausing in the doorway, obvious relief flooded her. Mother would be ok now. Shizuka would be ok. Everything would be ok now, even if her reasonable side was screeching in protest, and even if the tears rushing from her dead and broken eyes refused to falter for even a moment. And so the teenage girl walked into her home, to her Mother who was sleeping with her eyes open on the living room floor.

Her feet cried out in agony and protest as the still wet blood sloshed through her abused toes, making a sickening squishing sound. The smell of blood was gag-inducing, however Shizuka's mind was so shattered she didn't even register it. Falling to her knees a few feet in-front of her mother, she started to crawl to the obviously dead woman. Wait, she wasn't dead. She wasn't! No! Shizu refused to accept it! Her desperation forced her on-wards, even when her hand slipped on the soaked carpet, the side of her head slamming against the floor. A small whimper escaped her lips as she got back up, her Mother's blood covering the throbbing side of her face, stinging in her eye.

Finally, she got to the body. Gently, ever so gently, Shizuka gathered her mom in her arms, holding her tight against her in a crazed hug, both of their eyes blank and staring. Shizu began to rock slightly, a shattered smile on her face, her hoarse, fragile voice whispering over the ear-popping silence of the living room.

"Im here, Momma..... Don't worry.... Everything is ok... You can wake up now... Warm up... Please momma.... Wake up!" Shizuka gagged on her sob, chocking on the words. Every fiber of her being screamed out in agony from the grief and horror, her shredded mind still unable to process the fact that she was just holding a dead body. Not her mother.

Not her mother.

It hurt.

She hurt.

Its not her mother.

Its a body.

[Namok Clave]

Automatically, when Shizuka began to squirm and struggle to break free of his hold, he released her from it, confusion written across his features. "Shizuka?" there was confusion in his tone as Shizuka rose to her feet. She was swaying on them slightly, not quite all there and her breathing was erratic. When he'd wrapped himself around her, he felt her heart beating a mile a minute as well. "Calm down, Shizuka, it's alright," he murmured softly to her, still unsure of what he should be doing. He didn't know what was wrong...he just knew something was wrong. So terribly wrong and that Shizuka needed him now more than ever. She was bolting now, away from him. Did she not want to be around him? Had he done something wrong? No. He hadn't done anything wrong, at least as far as he knew. Yet, despite the fact she had run, he followed her. He promised he'd always be by her side, right there for her...He'd be there to comfort her like he always had. The only way he would ever leave her was if she voiced the want for him to leave. If it was what she wanted, he would grant that for her, even at his own expense. he knew his feelings towards her, he'd always known them...but he could never voice them. He wouldn't go and ruin the relationship that they currently had. He needed her more than she needed him, although at this point in time...she needed him more than ever and he'd be there. He was running beside her, splashing through puddles and soaking himself through the bone. Each time she fell, he would wordlessly help her to her feet. She barely registered his presence and he was fine with that. He was there for her and that's all he could do at this point. Each time she fell, he could feel his own heart hurting with hers. It wasn't long before she reached her destination and Namok was appalled and disturbed by what he saw. He had never liked Shizuka's mother...she hurt her daughter far too much emotionally for him to. She would break the pieces apart and he'd put them back together again. This, however, was a puzzle he wasn't sure he could put back together on his own. He was dripping wet, soaked to the bone through his wet clothes, but he didn't register the cold at the moment. The scent of blood was strong in the air and it was nauseating as Namok gingerly side-stepped a pool of blood. A scene like this brought back memories of his own mother. Blood splattering the walls and floors as a knife sank into his abdomen and stomach repeatedly. The sound of sirens in the distance as the family who adopted him hovered over him anxiously as his adoptive father pressed a towel to the bleeding stab wounds. They were going to arrest her, weren't they? Forcing himself to move away from them, Namok had stumbled deliriously through the snow towards his home, ignoring the sounds of the Claves screaming at him to stop, rest and wait for the paramedics. He had to explain...they were going to take away his mother. He had loved her as much as he had hated her growing up. If he explained she was ill and that she was all he had...that he was all she had...The door had been left wide open as he tripped over his own feet and slipped in the blood, landing face-first into a pool of what seemed to be blood. Odd...he hadn't bled there. When he had painfully pulled himself back to his feet, hands pressed against his bleeding stomach, he'd felt something drip against his cheeks. Not tears, those had already been flowing enough. He'd screamed himself hoarse and into an even worse situation at that point, having looked up to find the source of the dripping. Hanging off the banister, with her wrists slit was his own mother. A sheet wrapped around her throat and around the metal banister. He didn't remember much after that, besides somebody dragging him away as he screamed his voice out for his mother. He hadn't believed she was dead either... He felt like screaming again, himself at the memories that were rising up, unbidden. The lifeless eyes of his own mother staring at him, her blood dripping from her slit wrists and onto his own face. He hadn't noticed that he had started shaking, trembling minutely as he stepped over to Shizuka, trying not to look into he eyes of the dead woman. He didn't need to break down now. Shizuka needed him. She didn't need him breaking down too. If he broke down...then he couldn't help Shizuka. They'd both wind up back where they had begun. "S-s-shizuka, stop," he whispered, startled to find that he had tears dripping down his face. He hadn't liked Shizuka's mother, but she was still her mother. It still hurt. Gently, he was prying Shizuka's hands from the body of the woman, his fingers trembling slightly as he took a deep breath and looked into the eyes of the dead woman. His hand moved, fingers grazing the cold skin as he closed the eyes, unable to stand the lifeless stare on his own. It reminded him so much of the lifeless stare his own had given him when she had attempted to kill him and then committed suicide. After a few moments, he had managed to pry Shizuka's cold fingers from the woman and had wiped the blood from her cheeks with the sleeve of his wet shirt. "It'll be alright, Shizuka. It will..." he wasn't so sure of his own words, but everything had to be all right. It just /had/ to be. He had pulled her back into his embrace now, keeping her gaze from the body. He hadn't stopped shaking, though, as he continued to force back the mental breakdown waiting to happen. He just had to keep telling himself that Shizuka needed him...he wouldn't be any good to her if he broke down too. Tags: Shizuka Word Count: 1018 Notes: ALL THESE FEELS broke a million hearts just for fun

MADE BY HABBUE OF GS

[Shizuka Mori]

Oh god, it hurt so much. It felt like her very center was going through a blender, her mind shattered. She could feel her heart reaching for its pieces, unable to pull itself back together. Her soul grasping in the dark to find something to hold close, make it warm again. She could feel her conscious slipping for a few moments at a time, the world turning as black as the grief and utter sadness that surrounded her very being.

She was sobbing, gripping onto her mother.

Black.

She was struggling against a foreign grasp, weak but still fighting.

Black.

Someone was wrapping their arms around her, the same person as before... maybe. She couldn't tell anymore.

Black.

She was crying out, begging for the stranger to let her go, let her go back to her mom. Momma needed her.

Black.

No strength was left inside of her as she slowly sank to her knees, the vast oceans of broken despair flowing out of her in sobs.

Black.

Who was holding her?

Black.

Where was she?

Black.

What was her name?

Black.

Who was she?

Black.

Who-

Black.

Slowly, the world faded back to life. ... No... She shouldn't be here. She should be with... with...... With who? Who was she trying to save again? Oh, who cared anymore. Who cared about anything?

Sagging against the body that held her, she wanted everything around her to just go out of existence again. It was so nice... being surrounded with the comforting darkness. It was cold, but a good kind of cold. The freezing, numbing kind. One that shielded the hurt, the constant throbbing in her chest. Why was she so sad again? Ahh... the girl couldn't tell.

After a little while- or was it a long time? Space seemed to distort around her, the red-head didn't know- she began to notice a shattered noise around her. It was sad. So sad. Broken, obviously. What was it? Was it a wail? Who was crying? Oh well. The person holding her was warm, and she was so cold. So cold. Nuzzling into his- or was it a her? Oh... whatever. Just another thing to add to the Don't-Give-A-Crap-Anymore list- chest, her hands gripped the front of the stranger's shirt. There was shaking. Why were they shaking? Were they even shaking? Who was shaking?

Slowly, the girl began to realize things. She didn't know it, but for the second time today, Shizuka found out that it was herself that was wailing, sobbing, crying. It was herself that was shaking. As she held onto Namok, her grieving spirit struggling to escape the crumbling shell of its home, Shizu was begging for help. It hurt so much.

God it hurt.

[Namok Clave]

She was fighting him, clawing weakly at his body, but he refused to release her. He didn't really know what to do anymore. He was on the edge, but not quite falling yet. He was falling forward, ready to fall off the edge into the abyss. "It's okay," Namok repeated again, petting Shizuka's hair lightly. He repeated this a couple more times, trying to convince himself more than Shizuka at this point. He was losing it...he shook his head, burying his face into her red locks, trying to convince himself not to keep falling. He wouldn't fall. Don't fall. Please don't fall. Don't. Fall. Can't fall. His head was pounding at this point as he forced back all the thoughts that were there, thinking only about Shizuka at this point. He couldn't worry about himself. Shizuka needed him more than he needed himself. He was convincing himself of that. His own needs didn't matter at the moment. "I'm here. I'll always be here for you,"[/b he mumbled into her hair through her wails. Her wailing wasn't helping his headache, but he didn't have the heart to get her to stop and he merely endured the ringing in his head. He didn't want to stay here any longer, the smell of death lingering in the air even as the rain washed away the worries of the outside world. "Shizuka, we should leave...I'll take you back to my place," he whispered. He picked her up, putting her onto his back, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. He'd take her home, get her out of her wet clothes, run her a hot bath, and put her to bed and then come back to the house to report the murder. He wouldn't mention her daughter being there at all. He'd say he was there to get some things for her daughter who had fallen asleep at his apartment. He closed his eyes, pulling in his breath and releasing it in a sigh of air. He would take care of everything for her. He'd take care of her. Tags: Shizuka Word Count: 349 Notes: ALL THESE FEELS broke a million hearts just for fun

MADE BY HABBUE OF GS